hypocrisy

Hey Jesus

Writing a prayer blog is kinda like working at cross purposes. A personal blog shared with the public has certain elements of ‘closedness’ to it. We don’t say every little itsy bitsy thing out loud. Especially the things which are unflattering and in some cases downright evil on our part.

When I look at myself in the mirror of your wisdom I don’t see anything which resembles anything likeable. With our burden of cupboard skeletons and a reticent will to seek perfection, our prayers become that much more hollow. More lovelessness lord. I like to think that I hate hypocrisy – so when I see that in me it becomes all the more damning and deserving of your wrath.

Fighting off my weaknesses lord is a constant uphill struggle. I resolve to correct something and my mind snickers. And then as if to prove my mind right I go ahead and do the thing that I swore off. And regular as clockwork follows the guilt. I take refuge in your blood to quell the accusing within and Praise God! It works! But that just silences the accusation. It still doesn’t touch my diseased will. Should I next ask and claim healing? I ask lord. Claiming seems so alien. It is your pleasure to give and also your pleasure to withhold.

Amen.