waiting for the sun

Hey Jesus

Waitin to break out of this self-prescribed prison of my mind. More often than not am stuck inside, looking out and whining and pining. Allowing to be cowed by the depression, which follows and every Yes just lip service. Can’t seem to find the exact line of depth to anchor myself on the road. Knowin the path and walkin the path. Big difference. I’ve known this road since I was so high. But walkin has always been my problem. A natural reluctance to take on burdens and a barricade of intelligence to skewer any pitch that would point the way out. Stuck with the notion of sounding good and looking good with little care given to actually being good. In the jargon of the season that would require a quantum leap from my current pseudo self discovery run. And care and love just look good images for the roadside carnival. Beat my chest and cry – woe? Postures abound lord but once the emotion passes its back to same ole self drivel.

Clarity (understanding) is something which is far from me. Easier to slap on the freeze dried deductions of ‘thus’ and ‘hence’ to physical phenomena and build a self illusion of acceptance on ‘this is how the world works’.

Pushin mind, is hard. Strength of spirit I need sir. Give me the strength required. Traveller portions. Light on knapsack, nutritious to the belly. Our daily cash.

RFID and WiMax mash ups on the way lord. More portents of exclusion zones of those who refuse to accept the current interpretation of how a planet should be run. I guess you still blind to your ETA. I try to bite the wisdom of it, but patience fails me lord. We want you here and we want it now!

My line played out, my confidence in your return hijacked to mercenary self indulgence. I guess I better tighten my belt and guess-ti-bet your return within the next 1000 years or else I would lose all hope.

Are these the dark days lord? It’s been dark since you’ve been gone and we seem to be slipping into a deeper dark with every passing year as we mechanize our lives into the illusion of prosperity.

When you comin lord? To strip away all the lies? Just hunker down and bide my time peforming good works or shall I carve my very own battlezone? I have scant respect for myself which makes it all the more harder – some would say the self diss is totally stupid and in their shoes I am apt to agree. But then, I am forever flitting around in every other perspective ‘cept my own. More abrogation of my own self and then hypocritically I wonder at others, unseeing my own contradictions when it drags me into a war of words that invariably ends with me accepting a – ‘Fuck it. What’s the use?’.

What do you have to say about that lord? Waitin for your daybreak.